I was watching a movie set in high school and all the images, themes, and plot, resurfaced a bunch of memories from 15 years ago when I was still a young student.
I began to think deeply, at least more than usual, and realized many things that were not visible to me back then:
I thought I was widely divergent, in my mind, and at the same time self-deprecating of myself and entire existence.
Ironically enough, I was idealistic to carry with the burden of unfulfilled wishes, and at times, sarcastic which was mistaken as braveness by the rest of classmates. During recess, I even had a group of nerd kids who enjoyed my company deeply because I made them laugh. I was the funny guy but not a class clown, at least that phase of mine was long gone at that age. I was only a class clown before puberty, after puberty some remains still persisted but most of it had been taken away by a poignant depression that I tried to hide under a not so noticeable sardonic view of my peers, teachers, and school life in general.
Superficially and deep down, I was a nice guy and I couldn't hide my true nature of being… a nice guy, a good honest person. It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that people are born a nice person while others are born to be corrupt and this is another flaw in our universe, after all, reality isn't meant for the idealistic and good guys and those who want to make things right.
Reality and nature is more shaped for those who are cruel enough to impose their will, be it through brute force, violence, manipulation, lies, or abuse of nature itself.
The worst mistake was to try and deny myself of that truth, hoping it to be a lie, that we humans are a flawed species. Corrupted to the very end. Every fiber of our beings, is almost predestined to be evil. Humanity's true nature is evil and if you leave us like we are we only sink to lower depths.
We have no choice but to die out. It's painful but I hope for everyone to be erased. I don't believe in the future. No future will make up for the horrible pain of each individual's past.
In that sense, there is nothing to fix, nothing to change, there is only things waiting to vanish, that is, we as humans. We have to erase us that's the ulterior moral responsibility of every human being that's awakened. A fool will say that I'm biased, that it's my feelings and negative emotions speaking, but rationally speaking, nothing you do for me or guys like
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.